Question Mark: Heels and Hiking

I'd like to preface my post about these retarded Grey Ant x Teva mashup faux hiking shoes by saying I would, in fact, wear these shoes.  Once.  Probably just to say "hey look, I'm wearing like, fake hiking shoes.  WITH HEELS." And do a Beavis and Butthead laugh. However, someone would have to GIVE them to me, because these fucking things are $330.00.  Yes. I am serious.

Just wanted to get that out of the way.

So what we have here are hiking sandals, you know, those things your dad wore when you'd go on a weekend trip "to the River" or that one granola motherfucker in algebra class always rocked even though you know it was just to attract the other hippies? Yeah. Those. Except there are heels on these; pretty decent sized heels in fact; 4 fucking inches.  Let's here what these shoes are saying about themselves:

"It's the classic Teva® Hurricane sport "mandal" re-imagined as a STILETTO. This co-branded effort sees Grey Ant marrying the Teva® velcro-strap styling and grip-sole construction to a bold 4" stacked heel. They're calling it the most comfortable, performance high heel on the planet -- we call it the most daring mash-up of the decade. This is anti-fashion at its purest. And so good when paired with socks."

Anti-fashion at it's purest? First, that's a really faggy thing to say.  Second, if that was true, these shoes would be, like, $50 and not $330.

LOL



Yeah.  Good idea.



See, now, I'm just Beyonce enough to do this.





I'll like, garden while on a concrete walkway *see above*, but heels + dirt = disaster.  Every girl has tried to walk across a lawn or dirt in heels before and gotten a foot-full of CRAP all over shoes.  Nein.  Failure. 

 Okay, so I get these photos.  They're 'ironic'.  Like, look what you can do in these shoes!  Climb mountains!  Garden!  Like, stand on rocks and shit!  But NO, no you can't, Grey Ant x Teva!  Assholes!  I hate advertising that lies!*

*This makes me an unhappy person, since all advertising lies