Patricia Field wins and losses for December, twenty ten!

I'm not gonna lie: I love the PF website. The only two caveats are price (inSANEly overpriced), and for as many things as I like, I also see the same amount of shit that just makes me LOL. Truth be told, I never snicker at P. Field the way I do at other sites and designers. Her shit is blatently tacky, obviously over the top, and always tongue-in-cheek. With that said, there are still times she tries to be "hee hee" (coy) and misses, falling into "ha ha" (I'm laughing AT you) territory.

Without further adieu...!

WINS

Gun Platform Heels, $98

Okay-I would never wear these. OKAY FINE I AM LYING I WOULD TOTALLY WEAR THEM ONCE. Anyway-look at these fuckers, people! RIDICULOUS!!! That extra "ammo" strap is for your ankles. This is the kind of shoe you wear when you're going out with your "step your weirdo game up" posse; you know, the bitches that aren't shy about fashion and wear stuff that makes you think, fuck this. I'ma wear some goddamn see-through leggings/lace gloves/feather hat/cray-cray shit next time we go out, too! They make you step your game up. Up the weirdo ante, I dare you, they say. Oh yeah? Check out these GUN-THEMED FUCKING STRIPPER HEELS, BITCH.
Check. Mate.
And at $100, you're not going to go broke to look silly. Win/win!

Tri Color Vintage Bag, $48

This is one of those bags you either love or hate. I'm in the first camp, because it IS a genuine vintage design, and because it's a BIG FUCKING BAG with STRUCTURE. I'm so goddamn tired of bitches with their sloppy uterine bags, blabbing on and on about how much shit they can fit into them. Yeah, you can fit a lot of shit in them, but it takes for-goddamn-ever to find anything because the folds of fabric like to trip you up! F that. This bag is structured without being, you know, a literal suitcase.
If the size intimidates you, Lulus.com has a similar, smaller bag in the same design, only blue instead of the green color shown here.

Studded Bra, $64

The "peekaboo" bra concept is one I am, amazingly, still into. I love the idea of wearing a sheer or draped top with a sparkly or otherwise adorned bra peeking out. Very sneakily naughty if you do it right. The deep V detail on this is amazing, and hard to find in "new" (read: non-vintage) styles. Still; if you could find a cool bra like this for cheap without the detailing, you could add studs or whatever yourself and do it for MUCH less than $64.

Z Cut Pants, $88

I already know you assholes are doubting my fashion prowess, because at first glance, these pants look retarded. But, you see, it's the act of the SELF that could make these not only work, but look AMAZING! Yes. Paired with some wedge boots and, say, a t-shirt and bomber jacket, your ass just took a "basic" look and modernized it. YES YOU DID, GIRL!

LOSSES

Gold Double Bar Sunglasses, $200

While I admire the fact these glasses are described as "cunty and fierce", I just can't handle these. Are you REALLY going to wear this? On your FACE? This WAS the dumbest and most retardedly priced shit I had seen in while until I found...

Madame X Shades, $400

AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!11! Yes! Oh God, YES! Someone bought those plastic "safety" goggles, bukkake'd them with fugly ass beads from their first school dance, and is selling them for FOUR HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS!!! I swear to God, America: you cray-zay. Listen. If you have the money for a pair of $400 anything, please: let me know. I've got a great idea involving Chapstick, Saran Wrap, and a glue stick.

Feather Shoulder Pieces, $280

Putting these in the "loss" category hurts me, because these are fucking COOL. Say what you want. The reason they're a loss is the price. $280? Are you serious? Come to Downtown LA where I stay and we can make these for like, $20. This kind of blatant consumer rip-off really annoys me. Like, that shit ain't REAL gold, dude, and the feathers are goose but I'd rather use synthetic anyway.