Tuesday, August 16, 2011

WHY

A trend I've been noticing creeping steadily back into the NPFL (Normal Person Fashion Landscape) is the WING. Wing earrings, wing necklaces, wing motifs on clothing. This is horrendous.


GAH!!! This shit is so fugtastic!!!

Don't get me wrong. I had some wing shit, from Urban Outfuckers if we're being honest, and I rocked it ALL THE TIME. I had earrings in gold and a necklace in silver. At the time, this was FRESH. I had never seen ANY bitches wearing wing shit, so I felt avant garde and fly as fuck sporting my angelic motifed nonsense, as probably all bitches rocking this shit do. The different is THAT WAS ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO and THIS CRAP IS OVER! DEAD! DONE! The chapter has been closed! The book is finished! Burn it on the fire!

We had visitors over a while back and one was a 30-something from Illinois. This girl actually looked almost EXACTLY like Mariah Carey, and was rocking (get this) flared jeans, platform heels, a zip up hoodie over a halter tank top and ANGEL WING EARRINGS. It was as if someone had DIRECTLY STEPPED OUT OF A TIME MACHINE FROM 2001. She was super nice (albeit a bit slow) so we'll leave her here, but my point is THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING. PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO BRING BACK FLARED JEANS WITH HEELS AND HOODIES. AND THEY'RE BRINGING TRENDS LIKE WINGED JEWELRY WITH THEM.

Okay, I know fashion is cyclical, don't send me emails about how all trends come back at some time or another, I'm well aware. I suppose I'm just not ready for THIS trend to come back. It's akin to...well, moon boots or sheer ponchos, you know? It seems like a good idea at first, but then you realize the only people who wear it are the types who vote for Bush and watch Teen Mom? You dig?

It's unfortunate the way of the wing felt to such a demise, as I actually enjoy the aesthetic of it. Wings are, of course, beautiful; they belong to birds, butterflies and angels. Unfortunately, these are all things that appear on stupid shit at Wal-Mart and ruin it for the rest of us. I beg you, world-leave the wings where they belong. On the backs of things, not on your ugly ass. 

No comments:

Post a Comment