Whilst walking back to my wonderful loft from the post office, my eyes stumbled across a bitch who was, well, stumbling down the street. This ladyperson personified a type of "high heel walk" I like to call:
THE BABY GIRAFFE.
If you actually decide to brave this heartwarming yet FUCKING ANNOYING video of a sweet baby giraffe trying to learn how to walk and stand on its awkwardly long legs, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. Bitches who can't walk in heels look like baby giraffes!!!
Anyway, let me get down to details. My eyes were initially drawn to the fact it was 2 p.m. and this trick was wearing MASSIVE fuck me platforms-they were beige, but if you're going to wear shoes like that, you need to make sure the rest of your outfit is daytime appropriate. Now, for me to say you look like a whore is a pretty bold statement. First, I love whores. Second, I love dressing like a whore for the most part; I'm never going to hate on someone with nice legs or tits or a flat tummy showing that shit off. However, if you're a lumpy legged broad who can't walk in heels, you MIGHT want to consider wearing, say, pants. Or perhaps shorts? Instead of a FUCKING SILK DRESS!
Oh God! This chick was wearing a SILK DRESS, HUGE PLATFORMS, AVIATOR SUNGLASSES and a FEATHERED HEADBAND. It was like every trend from 2005 coming back to haunt me.
If I had my wits about me, I would have taken a picture of this trick. I mean, I HAD my phone. Instead, I'll have to attempt to recreate this look via random Google images.
Okay, now imagine the dress is yellow and grey, the shoes are beige, and this ensemble is being worn by a chick who can't walk in the heels she's got on. Now also imagine she keeps grabbing into her boyfriends hand to steady herself and also imagine her dress straps keep falling off. As in, every 2-5 seconds they fall down her arms.
She essentially looked like a West Hollywood reject at 4 a.m. IN DOWNTOWN, at 2 P.M. The cherry on the sundae though was that you could really tell both her and her man thought she looked FUCKIN DOPE.
Dude, guys. I...I just don't know.
And they walked into my building! Jesus! I need to move.
-Sterner
THE BABY GIRAFFE.
If you actually decide to brave this heartwarming yet FUCKING ANNOYING video of a sweet baby giraffe trying to learn how to walk and stand on its awkwardly long legs, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. Bitches who can't walk in heels look like baby giraffes!!!
Anyway, let me get down to details. My eyes were initially drawn to the fact it was 2 p.m. and this trick was wearing MASSIVE fuck me platforms-they were beige, but if you're going to wear shoes like that, you need to make sure the rest of your outfit is daytime appropriate. Now, for me to say you look like a whore is a pretty bold statement. First, I love whores. Second, I love dressing like a whore for the most part; I'm never going to hate on someone with nice legs or tits or a flat tummy showing that shit off. However, if you're a lumpy legged broad who can't walk in heels, you MIGHT want to consider wearing, say, pants. Or perhaps shorts? Instead of a FUCKING SILK DRESS!
Oh God! This chick was wearing a SILK DRESS, HUGE PLATFORMS, AVIATOR SUNGLASSES and a FEATHERED HEADBAND. It was like every trend from 2005 coming back to haunt me.
If I had my wits about me, I would have taken a picture of this trick. I mean, I HAD my phone. Instead, I'll have to attempt to recreate this look via random Google images.
She essentially looked like a West Hollywood reject at 4 a.m. IN DOWNTOWN, at 2 P.M. The cherry on the sundae though was that you could really tell both her and her man thought she looked FUCKIN DOPE.
Dude, guys. I...I just don't know.
And they walked into my building! Jesus! I need to move.
-Sterner
